A Very Yuugioh Christmas
by Summer Sweet
Summary: An out-of-season holiday fic! x_X; The Yuugioh cast does a Christmas pageant. Weird, short, some swearing.


Yes, I know, Christmas isn't for several months. Well, seeing as how it takes me so long to write these things, I figured I'd have it done by then. o_o I was wrong.  
  
This is a semi-group fic. How so? Well, most of it was written by me. Some of it was written by the Baka. A line of it was written by Crow. 9_9 That's how.  
  
In this, everybody is eight and in third grade. XB And if there actually is a St. Clampette, and thus a St. Clampette Church, I had no idea and I'm very, very sorry. o_o And I guessed at how to spell frankincense and myrrh, because I couldn't find the real spellings. X_x Bwee.  
  
Disclaimer? See the author's profile.  
  
*  
  
The random sensei stepped out onto the stage and smiled serenely at the audience.  
  
"Welcome," she declared, "to the St. Clampette's third-grade Sunday School class Christmas pageant."  
  
The parents and other assorted adults in the audience clapped politely.  
  
"And now, I introduce you to our class." She smiled again and walked offstage.  
  
A young brunette girl walked onstage, dressed in what appeared to be a towel wrapped around her body and safety-pinned together at her shoulder. She was followed by a blond boy, in a similiar outfit.  
  
"Are we almost at Bethlehem?" the girl, Anzu, asked, patting the pillow under her towel.  
  
"Yeah, I think," the boy, Jounouchi, replied, scratching his head. "It was just over this way, wasn't it?"  
  
"I told you we should have asked directions," she grumbled, folding her arms. Jounouchi made a face at her.  
  
The sensei made 'continue' gestures at them from backstage.  
  
"Okay, so..." He stared over the crowd. "I guess we're here."  
  
"Let's find an inn. I have to have this baby somewhere."  
  
The two went up to the crudely-made cardboard house in the middle of the street, and Anzu knocked on it. The house fell over, squishing the innkeeper.  
  
"Ouch!" he wailed, trying to pull it off of his hair. "That hurt!"  
  
"Sorry, Honda. Can you give us a room for the night?"  
  
Honda glared at them.  
  
"First off, I'm not Honda, I'm the innkeeper! And second off, you just knocked down my inn! How am I supposed to give you a room?!"  
  
"Nice improvising," the sensei mumbled.  
  
"Fine, if you're gonna be mean about it, we don't want your stupid room, anyway!" Jounouchi snapped, grabbing Anzu by the hand and dragging her away. "Come on, An...I mean, Mary. We need to find another inn, with a more intelligenter innkeeper!"  
  
"There's no such word as intelligenter!" Honda sneered, dragging the house offstage.  
  
"There is now, old maid!"  
  
A minute later, another house was taken onstage, and again Anzu and Jounouchi went up to it. This time Anzu whistled a short tune instead of knocking.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I rang the doorbell."  
  
Honda stuck his head out the window. "Whaddya want?"  
  
They stared at him. "Weren't you at that other inn?"  
  
"After you knocked it down, I had to get another job. Whaddya want?"  
  
Anzu recovered and said, "We need a room for the night. It's a medical emergency."  
  
"I'm sorry, we're all full up. Christmas is a very busy time of year, you know."  
  
Jounouchi smirked. "What the hell is Christmas?"  
  
"JOUNOUCHI-KUN!" shrieked the sensei. "What did I tell you about swearing?!"  
  
"Don't you remember?"  
  
The sensei shook in anger, but kept it in, massaging her temples and remembering what her therapist had told her -- "He's just trying to get you mad. The best revenge is to stay calm." So she smiled sweetly and growled, "Get on with it"  
  
Honda looked down his nose at the two. "Well, anyway, we don't have any rooms."  
  
"Fine. We'll go to some ther inn! You won't get our business!" Jounouchi was dragged away by Anzu, sticking his tongue out.  
  
"Like I want it, anyway!"  
  
Anzu sweatdropped and waited until the next house was put out, then rang the bell again.  
  
Again, Honda stuck his head out the window.  
  
"Do you have a room," Jounouchi asked through gritted teeth.  
  
"Nope, sorry, we don't rent out to idiots. But we do have a --" His sentence was cut short as the blond boy attacked him. "SENSEIIIIIII!!"  
  
"YOU DAMNED OLD MAID!"  
  
"JOUNOUCHI-KUN!"  
  
The sensei ran out onstage and pulled Jounouchi off of Honda. "WHAT have I told you about attacking people?!"  
  
"Same thing you said about calling people names," he pouted. She banged her head against the wall.  
  
"I'm very sorry," she said to the audience, who by this time was beginning to emit weird noises from repressed laughter. "This will not happen again." Glaring ferociously at Jounouchi, she stalked offstage once more.  
  
"Men," Anzu said, shaking her head.  
  
"Well, we don't rent out to hooligans, either, but if you want," Honda continued, dusting off his towel, "there's some space in the manger you can use."  
  
"You mean we have to sleep with the ANIMALS?!"  
  
"You can finally be among your own."  
  
"You DAMNED old maid --"  
  
"JOUNOUCHI-KUN!"  
  
Jounouchi started to yell back, then saw his little sister in the audience, giggling. He blushed and just continued.  
  
Anzu took the lead. "We'll take it," she said firmly, pushing her slipping pillow back into place. "My baby's going to come out soon."  
  
"It's coming from the wrong place," Jounouchi observed. "I saw a documentary about this once. Babies shoot out of your --"  
  
"Jounouchi-kun, if I have to reprimend you one more time, you are getting three extra pages of homework!"  
  
"I'll tell you later," he whispered. Anzu stared at him blankly.  
  
There was an awkward pause.  
  
"Fine," Honda said, finally. "It's right over this way."  
  
He led them offstage, ending the first act.  
  
For the second act, a girl dressed as a shepherd, holding some sheep plushies, started to walk onstage, but were interrupted by Anzu's shout of, "They shoot our of your WHAT?!"  
  
"THREE PAGES, JOUNOUCHI-KUN!"  
  
Startled, the sheperd-girl, Isis, began to sing, "As Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night". The audience took the opportunity to laugh unnoticed.  
  
As the song ended, three more children entered, stage right -- two boys, one brunet and the other with off-white hair, and a blond girl who looked as though she'd used far too much of her mother's hairspray. They too were dressed in towels and safety pins, and each held a cardboard box.  
  
"We are the wise men," the brunet declared.  
  
"Ahem," said the girl.  
  
"And wise woman," he amended. "We are here...ah...because..."  
  
"Can't you remember anything, Kaiba?!" The girl snorted and shook her head disdainfully.  
  
"You're the one who got hairspray on my script, Mai!"  
  
"Um," said the other boy, Malik. "We're here because sensei said so."  
  
Suddenly, an adorable little boy with multi-colored hair ran in, wearing black leather, chains, and belts. A pair of white angel wings were strapped onto his back.  
  
"Hark!" he said, then tripped and fell flat on his face.  
  
Getting up again, he continued, "Hark! The new king is being born!"  
  
Indeed, you could hear Jounouchi-kun's voice from backstage chanting, "Push! Push! Push! Do your breathing! Boil some water!"  
  
"What are you doing?" the sensei asked, bewildered.  
  
"I saw it on TV!" he protested.  
  
Meanwhile, the angel had gotten up and was beaming merrily at the two wise men and the wise woman. "Hark hark hark! If you follow the star, you will find Him!"  
  
"The star?" wondered Kaiba. "What star?"  
  
A hyperactive silver-haired boy in a star costume ran across the stage, forgot to stop running at the end, and crashed into the wall.  
  
"O...kay," Mai said, pointing over to some random spot. "Look! That star is over that castle! The new king must be there!"  
  
A small, white-haired boy, playing the role of King Herod, crept nervously onstage.  
  
"I..." he said, staring at the audience with wide, terrified eyes. "I..."  
  
"You," she prompted.  
  
"I..." He burst into tears and ran offstage again. "I want my mommy!"  
  
"Crybaby," she smirked.  
  
"Shut up, Mai," Kaiba snapped.  
  
"Kujaku-san! Kaiba-kun! Be nice and continue!" the sensei commanded.  
  
Malik sweatdropped as the two stuck their tongues out at each other. "Um...well..."  
  
"Why don't you try the manger over there?" Isis asked, trying to be helpful.  
  
They all stared at her.  
  
"Was that in the script?" Kaiba wondered.  
  
"Just do it," the sensei told him.  
  
Anzu and Jounouchi walked back out onstage, carrying a baby doll.  
  
"My baby is born," Anzu declared. "We'll call him Jesus."  
  
"Don't I get any say in this?"  
  
"YOU go through having the baby, YOU can name it."  
  
"Ahem," Mai said, setting the box she was carrying down onto the floor. "I am the wise woman, and these are the wise men. We come bearing gifts for the new king!"  
  
"Gold," said Malik, giving them his box.  
  
"Frakincense," said Kaiba, doing the same.  
  
"And myrrh," Mai finished grandly. "Whatever that is."  
  
"I'll take the gold, if you don't mind," Jounouchi announced, taking Malik's box. "You can keep the rest."  
  
Backstage, the sensei smacked her hand against her forehead "Why me?"  
  
"You'd better use that to support your wife and child," Anzu growled. "They gave it to both of us, anyway."  
  
"Fine, you can have the other two. I'll keep this one."  
  
"I don't want them! I don't even know what they are!"  
  
"Well, nyah!" Jounouchi made a face.  
  
"Nyah!" Anzu made one back.  
  
"Nyah!"  
  
"Nyah!"  
  
"Nyah!"  
  
"Nyah!"  
  
"Is this going to take much longer?" Kaiba looked at the clock. "It's almost my bedtime."  
  
"You go to bed this early?" Mai snickered. He glared at her.  
  
"A good night's sleep is essential to the mind!"  
  
"Mama's boy!"  
  
"I don't have a mama!"  
  
"Well...erm...loser!"  
  
"Say that again!"  
  
"Looooooooooseeeeeer!" Mai put her fingers up on her forehead in the shape of L.  
  
Kaiba threw his frankincense at her.  
  
"Waaaah!" She grabbed her eye where the box had hit. "You smudged my eyeliner! UNFORGIVEABLE!"  
  
He stared at her. "You're eight! You shouldn't be wearing eyeliner!"  
  
She threw her myrrh at him.  
  
"Kaiba-kun! Kujaku-san!" The sensei ran out onstage admist the flying objects. "Stop throwing things! Jounouchi-kun, Masaki-san, act your age!"  
  
Malik decided he didn't want to be left out, and joined in. Props and scenery were going all over the stage.  
  
Isis tried to make her brother stop, and ended up as part of the fight.  
  
The star woke up and began to cry.  
  
The angel got hit with a sheep, and Honda and Jounouchi got into another fistfight.  
  
The sensei snapped. "That's it! I cannot take this irresponsible group of brats any longer! I QUIT!" And then she fainted.  
  
The audience erupted into cheers.  
  
*  
  
Well, that was creepily familiar. x_x I vaguely recall reading something with a similiar plot (plot? there's a plot in this?) for another series...a loooooong time ago...which was probably the inspiration for this. Some of the lines seem familiar too, though...I hope I haven't plagarised anybody...X_X;;  
  
-- S 


End file.
